I am grateful you asked that question! Self-regulation is something I talk about quite a bit. I learned about it in bits and pieces over the course of about a decade while I was trying to figure out how to survive being human while teaching small humans how to do the same. It was….a challenge.
You know those days when you just need everyone to be decent people? Then, maybe, you can make it through the day without regretting something you did? Or the days that you are in a good mood, you feel ready to show up as your best self, but it seems like everyone around you is imploding? That was every single day for me. Here is the thing: when you are outnumbered, 25 to 1, shit goes sideways. Like, it just does. Even on our best days as a community, someone walks into a doorway (ok, it might have been me) or says something that pushes someone else’s buttons. Or maybe they make a mistake. It is simply how being in a community works.
When I was a baby teacher, I thought my job was to make everything perfect. If my classroom operated flawlessly, the conditions for learning would be met, and my tiny humans would thrive. Except that isn’t it. Life isn’t perfect. Perfection is not how we thrive. Thriving is learning and growing through the mess. Perfect is not what I should be preparing my tiny humans for. Life is challenging and messy. My job is to help them learn what to do when things get tough.
And that is where self-regulation comes in.
Regulation is the ability to manage the feelings and emotions that come with being human. The way I handle anger or disappointment is an example of my ability to regulate effectively. Sometimes, I handle it on my own and self-regulate. Sometimes, I handle it with others and co-regulate. At first, it seemed so simple. 1) Name it to tame it. 2) Find a solution to the problem that is helpful instead of hurtful. How hard is that? It turns out, it is very hard.
There is a surprising number of skills and understandings that make up self-regulation. Over the course of this series, I will introduce you to:
- The Stress Response and the Window of Tolerance
- Mirror Neurons
- Polyvegal Theory
- Sensory Processing
- Emotional Coaching
- Self-Compassion
- Physical Needs
- Psychological Needs
Why, you ask? Because I have found that the better I understand what is happening inside me, the better I handle it. And a dysregulated grown-up can’t raise a regulated kid. I know from experience.
##emotionalintelligence ##raisinghumans ##SEL ##self-regulation
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