I am trying this new thing. As I previously confessed, I am an overfunctioner with ADHD. This means I am also inclined to perfectionism. It is really easy for me to get fixated and for my expectations of myself to be unreasonably high. So, I am trying this new thing. It works in combination with the mantra, “Do It Anyway!” that I recently shared. That is celebrating baby steps.
I know, I know. It sounds so incredibly basic. Here is what happens in my head:
Inner Critic: “Stephanie. That is so dumb. Everyone knows that. That is like the furthest thing from interesting you could say. Everyone is going to think you are so dumb.”
My Better Self: “Maybe. But it is a big deal for me. And, I am proud of that. And I am going to party now. See you in a few minutes, Inner Critic.”
It wasn’t always that way. Which means there is a very good chance it is not that way for you, either. Which, by the way, is bonkers. Do you know how incredible you are? Think of all the challenges you owned.
There have been many baby steps in the last week. A lot of little things feel ridiculous to talk about, to celebrate. They are so insignificant in this ultramarathon I have created for myself. (Not a real ultra, a metaphorical one.) Going back to grad school, starting a new job, a business, and eventually (hopefully) opening a nonprofit. It makes all the little things seem so…..well, little.
Here is the thing. I spend a lot of time and energy examining my beliefs. I deeply believe it is essential to examine myself and my biases to genuinely help others thrive. But sometimes, it cuts the other way, and I end up stealing my own joy. Instead of reveling in the accomplishment or the excitement or the hope for the future, I analyze it. Repeatedly. In those moments, here is what usually happens in my head.
Inner Critic: “Wow. That’s cool. What are the ways this could bite me in the rear? How might this come across to someone who doesn’t know me? Does it communicate what I am trying to communicate?”
Then, one day, I woke up and saw it for the folly it was. Just kidding. It was years of therapy where I examined my beliefs, determined if they were still serving me, and worked on new habits of thinking. So this time, when something small but exciting happened, I noticed myself examining it, and I stopped. I decided I was done taking my own joy.
Guess what-my business cards came! Let’s celebrate! Turn on your favorite dance song and party with me!
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